When a man need space
Men are often reluctant to talk about their needs in intimate relationships. We need frequent reassurance about ourselves, our career paths, our efficacy as partners, our sexual prowess , and our attractiveness among other things. I have countless male clients telling me every month that their partners rarely let them know what they like about them. Why not just have more of a good thing?SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: We Need Space! - Think Out Loud With Jay Shetty
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 5 Reasons Why You Need To Give Him SpaceContent:
- Why Men Pull Away & Ask For Space In A Relationship — And What To Do About It
- 15 Tips On How To Give Him Space And Make Him Miss You
- Why Men Need Space
- Inside the Mind of a Man: The Top 5 Things That Make Men Tick
- The One Perfect Thing to Say When a Man Says He Needs “Space”
- 7 Things All Men Need In A Relationship
Why Men Pull Away & Ask For Space In A Relationship — And What To Do About It
Photo by Shutterstock. Why do men need space in relationships? Why do they get distant after sex or pull away when they are falling in love? Why do guys never know what they want? For women who date men, the male brain can sometimes seem like a total enigma. If you're having trouble understanding men in relationships, let's talk.
There is no one way all men think in relationships. For every 10 guys out there who are scared of intimacy or prefer to take things slow, there are another 10 guys out there who are hopeless romantics just waiting for the chance to settle down with the right person and start a family. It's really convenient to blame any tension, confusion, or disagreements with our boyfriends or potential partners on the idea that "men are just different.
If you feel like you don't understand the way your partner is behaving, that's not because he's a guy—it's because he's not you. He's a whole, separate human being who does not think the same way you do, and to understand how he thinks and what he wants, you're going to need to just ask him.
Nothing you read on the internet will fully explain why the particular man you're dealing with is the way he is. Only he can tell you. Culturally, we do tend to raise boys and girls differently: Boys are rewarded for being tough and adventurous, while girls are rewarded for being good caretakers. Research shows parents use more words about emotions with their daughters supporting better emotional intelligence and more words about spatial objects with their sons supporting better STEM skills.
That stuff all sticks with us and affects the kinds of people men and women grow up to be. However, this difference could have impacts on how people think, interact, and navigate the world.
That means the differences between men and women are not inherent: Women are not "naturally" better at talking about their feelings, and men are not "naturally" more logical. It's important not to make assumptions about what your man is and isn't capable of based on his gender, nor to pigeonhole him into certain stereotypes. Don't assume how he feels about things just because he's a man. There's a pervasive cultural myth that men are mean or act distant when they like you or that men pull away when they are falling in love.
But this is another one of those convenient excuses: We tell ourselves that when someone is pulling away, it's because they like us too much. It's easier to believe that than to just admit that they might not be as interested in you as you thought. If your boyfriend or partner asks for space, ask them what they mean by that and why they need it.
It's totally normal to want alone time in a relationship, but you shouldn't make assumptions about why they need it. Ask for clarity about what your man is experiencing when he asks for space so you can better understand what they need and whether you're able to give it to him.
If you're feeling lonely in your relationship, you can tell him that. Open and honest communication is the key to figuring out the best way to approach these situations so that everybody's needs are being met. Some people do experience fear when falling in love—because it's really scary to be that vulnerable!
When you're falling in love, you have the possibility of getting hurt. Some people instinctively run away from serious relationships because they're too afraid of that possibility of heartbreak. Again, it's easier to choose to leave yourself than to suffer through a possible rejection.
This behavior is common among people with an avoidant attachment style. Your attachment style is your way of behaving in relationships, and it's shaped based on your earliest interactions with your first caregivers.
The three main adult attachment styles are secure attachment you can easily love and be loved by others , anxious attachment style you tend to need a lot of attention and validation to feel love , and avoidant attachment style you tend to need a lot of space and can feel suffocated in relationships.
Some research suggests men are more likely to develop an avoidant attachment style, potentially because of the aforementioned differences in how boys and girls are treated in childhood. It's not true that "men don't talk about their emotions," Kahn says. That's just another stereotype we have, and unfortunately it becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you're with a man who struggles to talk about his emotions, be gentle and encouraging with him. Ask him questions that help him open up, and express gratitude when he does—even if his feelings are difficult for you to hear.
Give him positive reinforcement when he does talk about his feelings so that he knows he's safe with you. Lack of communication can ruin a relationship , so this is definitely an area to work on for any couples in which talking about feelings is difficult. Here are a few ways to boost emotional intelligence. But here's the thing: Nobody knows what anybody wants—unless they get told directly.
Like anyone else, men are not mind-readers. If you don't tell someone what you want, how can you expect them to know? If you feel like your partner is not meeting your needs or giving you the things you want in a relationship, talk to him about it.
It's very well possible that he doesn't know what your expectations or desires are, and a conversation about it can make all the difference. Don't expect him to "just know. Understanding men is not about reading up everything there is to know about "male psychology"—because, at the end of the day, your man is different from other men.
Even general trends in male behavior are just trends, and there will always be outliers. If you want to know what a man wants in a relationship, just ask him. In general, though, just remember: Men are just like any other human being. They want to be complimented, taken care of, challenged, listened to, and loved just like the rest of us. Ready to learn how to fight inflammation and address autoimmune disease through the power of food?
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Explore Classes. Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Washington Post, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
Expert review by Kristie Overstreet, Ph. Kristie Overstreet, Ph. She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana. She is also a certified sex therapist, certified addiction professional, and president of the Therapy Department, a private practice in Orange County that provides counseling services throughout the United States.
Last updated on February 28, Share on:. There's no blueprint for how men think in relationships. Article continues below. Men and women are not intrinsically different.
Some men need space, and it's not because they're falling in love. Some men fear commitment and intimacy. And so do some women. This isn't gender-specific. Men aren't encouraged to engage with their feelings. Men don't know what women want. The male brain is not a mystery. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex and relationships educator based in Brooklyn and the sex and relationships editor at mindbodygreen.
She has a degree in journalism from More On This Topic Parenting. Sarah Ezrin. Sarah Regan. With Megan Bruneau, M. Functional Food. Ali Miller, R. Eliza Sullivan. Deborah Hanekamp. Latest Articles Mental Health. Samantha Schwartz. Abby Moore. Integrative Health. Will Bulsiewicz, M. Alexandra Engler. Sites We Love.
15 Tips On How To Give Him Space And Make Him Miss You
Even the most madly in love couples need space sometimes. Alone time gives us the opportunity to focus on ourselves — which is never a bad thing — as well as explore our other interests, our relationships with our friends and family, and room to grow. People can't evolve when they're constantly glued to someone else's side.
You meet that amazing guy and you feel like things just going great. But all of a sudden, he starts being more distant. You end up trying to understand what in the world went wrong because you thought everything was going great! Men need emotional connection as much as women do, but at times, giving them some space can actually boost your relationship more.
Why Men Need Space
Few things are as frightening or nerve-wracking as a man needing space. The way they process and experience things is different. Taking space is a natural coping mechanism for most men, just as seeking out support from friends and loved ones is a natural coping mechanism for most women. The number-one reason a man pulls away is that he is stressed. The source of his stress could be the result of some issue in the relationship, but it might not have anything to do with you at all. Men will typically view themselves as weak and incapable if they voice their feelings or lean on other people for help or support. The way women handle difficult emotions is probably much more psychologically healthy and healing, but it is what it is. He will want to hide away until he has reached a solution. Men have a much harder time processing and handling emotions than women do.
Inside the Mind of a Man: The Top 5 Things That Make Men Tick
Photo by Shutterstock. Why do men need space in relationships? Why do they get distant after sex or pull away when they are falling in love? Why do guys never know what they want? For women who date men, the male brain can sometimes seem like a total enigma.
Most serious relationships will need a break every so often. And by break, I mean some serious soul-searching time apart like sleeping in separate rooms, taking a solo trip abroad, or moving out completely. Many people look at this as the worst thing that could possibly happen to a couple. On the contrary, you should look at this as a way for both parties to gain some perspective and re-center yourselves.
Or hanging up the phone a little bit quicker than usual. Or emotionally open. So what should you do? Let him take the time he needs without you reaching out to him and re-inserting yourself into his life.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Why Men Sometimes Need Space
Speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change, Dr Dain Heer , shares three ways to give a man space. You see, most women desire to talk a lot more than men. Especially if they have s tress or a problem going on in their life. They like to discuss in depth and express what is going on for them, and this allows them to get more clarity and ease with the things that they are dealing with. When a man has something going on in his life, a problem or something on his mind, he requires space. He requires time alone in his cave.
The One Perfect Thing to Say When a Man Says He Needs “Space”
Click here to chat online to someone right now. Relationships like these can thrive, as long as both partners are willing to compromise and adapt their expectations and behavior to ensure the other person feels loved but not claustrophobic. On the flip side, there are both men and women who struggle to understand the concept of giving space. This article is written mainly with women in mind. But, the suggestions here can be applied to both men and women, regardless of their sexual orientation. The points below should help you to figure out how to give your man the space he needs, whilst not compromising your own happiness in the process. Revel in your own space.
Men want commitment. They really are not that confusing but will only commit to a woman who is not out to control him with man-management. Men do not need someone to control and mother them and when this happens it is an instant turn-off. Nor do men want a woman who is at all needy or desperate for him to be the source of her happiness.
7 Things All Men Need In A Relationship
Being left wondering why men pull away when things seemed really good in relationships can leave anyone feeling confused, panicked, and rejected. The first thing you should know is that this isn't necessarily a bad thing for your relationship. In fact, when you accept his request and give him space, it can actually be an opportunity to bring you closer together as a couple.
Men are complicated creatures. They need constant attention, a lot of love, and they like to "hunt" the women they are interested in. Sometimes it is good to give a man what he wants: the opportunity to hunt you.