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Get over borderline girlfriend

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People with borderline personality disorder BPD tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance. Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight. But you have more power than you think.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to heal after a Breakup with someone suffering with BPD

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Spot the 9 Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder

Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality

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Few things are more intoxicating than a partner who is brimming with infatuation, or more inexplicable than to watch this same person become resentful and start disengaging for no apparent reason. In a relationship with a person suffering with the traits of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD these extreme highs and lows are commonplace.

Your partner may emotionally discard you or become abusive and leave you to feel confused and broken-hearted. Or you may have invested yourself in the relationship and all the latest communication and relationship tools and now feel the relationship has continued to erode and you have no more to give.

So they leave you - or you break up — or one of you finally decides not to reconcile, yet again. If any of this sounds like your relationship, please read on. Disengaging from this type of intense relationship can be difficult. Rationally, you most likely understand that leaving is the healthiest thing you can do now, yet your emotional attachment is undeniable.

You find yourself hopelessly trapped by your own desires to rekindle a relationship that you know isn't healthy, and in fact, may not even be available to you. We wonder if they ever really loved us and how we could have been so easily discarded. Our emotions range from hurt, to disbelief, to anger. This guide explores the struggles of breaking away from this type of relationship and offers suggestions on how you can make it easier on yourself and your partner.

Sure they are special and this is a very significant loss for you - but the depth of your struggles has a lot more to do with the complexity of the relationship bond than the person. In some important way this relationship saved or rejuvenated you. As a result, you were willing to tolerate behavior beyond what you've known to be acceptable.

However challenging, you were committed to see it through. Unknown to you, your BPD partner was also on a complex journey that started long before the relationship began. As a result we often misinterpret our partners' actions and some of our own. Many of us struggle with some of the following false beliefs. You may feel that they have touched the very depths of your soul.

As hard as this is to believe right now, your perspective on this is likely a bit off. You were special — but not that special. You will also come to realize that a lot of your elation was due to your own receptivity and openness and your hopes.

You will also come to realize that someone coming out of an extended intense and traumatic relationship is often depressed and can not see things clearly. You may feel anxious, confused, and you may be ruminating about your BPD partner.

All of this distorts your perception of reality. You may even be indulging in substance abuse to cope. This will only serve to confuse you and make it harder to understand what is really happening.

Unknown to you, there were likely significant periods of shame, fear, disappointment, resentment, and anger rising from below the surface during the entire relationship. You concede that there are problems, and you have pledged to do your part to resolve them.

As a result, both of you come to believe that you are the sole problem; that you are inadequate; that you need to change; even that you deserve to be punished or left behind. This is largely why you have accepted punishing behaviors; why you try to make amends and try to please; why you feel responsible.

Once these relationships seriously rupture, they are harder to repair than most — many wounds that existed before the relationship have been opened. Of course you have a lot invested in this relationship and your partner has been an integral part of your dreams and hopes - but there are greater forces at play now. For you, significant emotional wounds have been inflicted upon an already wounded soul. For your partner, there are longstanding and painful fears, trust issues, and resentments that have been triggered.

Your partner is coping by blaming much of it on you. For your partner to revitalize their end of the relationship, they would need to understand and face their wounds and emerge very self-aware and mindful. This is likely an even greater challenge than you face. As natural relationship realities that develop over time clash with the dream, the relationship starts breaking down. Rather than growing and strengthening over time, the relationship erodes over time.

The most realistic representation of your relationship is not what you once had — it is what has been developing over time. We often cling to the positive words and promises that were voiced and ignore or minimize the negative actions. Many wonderful and expressive things may have been said during the course of the relationship, but people suffering with BPD traits are dreamers, they can be fickle, and they over-express emotions like young children — often with little thought for long term implications.

You must let go of the words. It may break your heart to do so. But the fact is, the actions - all of them - are the truth.

We often feel that if we explain our point better, put it in writing, say it louder, or find the right words People with BPD hear and read just fine. Everything that we have said has been physically heard. The issue is more about listening and engaging. When the relationship breaks down and emotions are flared, the ability to listen and engage diminishes greatly on all sides.

And if we try to compensate by being more insistent it often just drives the interaction further into unhealthy territory. We may be seen as aggressive. We may be seen as weak and clingy. We may be seen as having poor boundaries and inviting selfish treatment.

We may be offering ourselves up for punishment. It may be denial, it may be the inability to get past what they feel and want to say, or it may even be payback. This is one of the most difficult aspects of breaking up - there is no closure. We base this on all the times our partner expressed how special we were and how incredible the relationship was. Absence may make the heart grow fonder when a relationship is healthy — but this is often not the case when the relationship is breaking down.

They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six. Absence generally makes the heart grow colder.

You might want to stay to help your partner. You might want to disclose to them that they have borderline personality disorder and help them get into therapy. Sure, we do not deliberately cause these feelings, but your presence is now triggering them. This is a complex defense mechanism that is often seen with borderline personality disorder when a relationship sours.

We also need to question our own motives and your expectations for wanting to help. You are damaged. Right now, your primary responsibility really needs to be to yourself — your own emotional survival. Difficult, no doubt, but more responsible. Your partner may suddenly be on their best behavior or appearing very needy and trying to entice you back into the relationship.

You, hoping that they are finally seeing things your way or really needing you, may venture back in — or you may struggle mightily to stay away. What is this all about? Well, at the end of any relationship there can be a series of breakups and make-ups — disengaging is often a process, not an event. However when this process becomes protracted, it becomes toxic. The emotional needs that fueled the relationship bond initially, are now fueling a convoluted disengagement as one or both partners struggle against their deep enmeshment with the other and their internal conflicts about the break up.

Either partner may go to extremes to reunite - even use the threat of suicide to get attention and evoke sympathies. Make no mistake about what is happening. At this point, there are no rules. There are no clear loyalties.

Each successive breakup increases the dysfunction of relationship and the dysfunction of the partners individually - and opens the door for very hurtful things to happen. Please join our member discussions on this topic here: 1 Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness 2 Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel 3 Belief that the relationship problems are caused by you or some circumstance 4 Belief that love can prevail 5 Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be 6 Clinging to the words that were said 7 Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard 8 Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder 9 Belief that you need to stay to help them 10 Belief that they have seen the light.

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Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs. Thank you!

Few things are more intoxicating than a partner who is brimming with infatuation, or more inexplicable than to watch this same person become resentful and start disengaging for no apparent reason. In a relationship with a person suffering with the traits of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD these extreme highs and lows are commonplace.

Borderline personal disorder BPD relationships are often chaotic, intense, and conflict-laden, and this can be especially true for romantic BPD relationships. If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in one now, you need to educate yourself about the disorder and what to expect. Likewise, if you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your dating life and romantic relationships. In essence, people with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them.

What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

NicolaMethod gmail. But one of the toughest aspects of these breakups is the persistent longing to get back that feeling of ultimate fulfillment you may have had at certain points during the relationship. This longing after a BPD breakup can be so strong that it can drive a man to return to a woman who he knows will try to abuse him. And even those men who successfully resist the urge to rekindle the relationship may find their recovery bogged down by these constant reminders of what they once had. Most relationship breakups are messy and they can also be quite painful. But there are certain very complex dynamics at work in a BPD breakup that can make this experience literally traumatic. These breakups are often described as a complete blindside with no possibility of closure. But in order for a man to heal from the longing to get back those good feelings it is very important that he understand the profound effects her positive behavior had on him as well. In this blog post we are going to address the positive feelings that women with traits of BPD evoke in their partners during the initial idealization phase of the relationship. You are going to learn that the feelings a woman with traits of BPD evokes in a man are actually already in place long before she meets him.

How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Paddy is in love. There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside.

Stephanie, of Jacksonville, Florida, has struggled with depression since she was a child. But in , her mental health took a turn for the worse and her mood swings started to create conflict with her husband, Jerome.

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Romantic Relationships Involving People With BPD

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Oct 15, - Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can take a real toll on a marriage or partnership. Hear one couple's story and get expert feedback to make that hope a reality. “At the surface, we're fighting over something that was kind of The mental illness was once thought to be a female problem — but that's.

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